For Families and Friends
Los Angeles, California—April, 2009
As a recovering alcoholic and someone who also works in recovery, I get many calls from parents who are looking for a structured sober living home for a family member. A concerned mother recently called me because she suspected her son was back on drugs after a brief period of sobriety. “He says he’s not using drugs even though he’s been acting strange the past few days. How do I know if he’s telling me the truth?” She asked pensively.
“Do you want to know how you can tell if your son is lying?” I asked. “His lips are moving.” She laughed out loud, not expecting the answer I gave her but she immediately understood the point I was trying to make. I explained to her that this is what we tell parents who are wrestling with the decision about what to do with a family member who is out of control.
“Oh, I get it!” She said. “I want to believe him, even though in my heart I know he’s using. “Even though he’s done this over and over again, I still fall for it.”
When it comes to enabling, many times parents of alcoholics and addicts are the biggest offenders. It’s all part of the education that family members get when their loved one comes into Liberty House, a highly structured sober living home located in Los Angeles, California.
“We deal in the truth at Liberty House,” says Larry Luttrell, who founded and still runs the nationally renowned sober living home. “That also goes for the family members as well as residents living in the house. At our weekly family meetings we focus on the relationships between family members and the addict. Once we put everything under the microscope we can break it down so everyone can begin to understand why they do what they do. That’s just the beginning of recovery.”
Besides the weekly family meetings which are open to friends and families of Liberty House residents, it is also recommended that loved ones attend 12-step meetings and Alanon. Many times parents and loved ones of residents in the house say “People ask me all the time, why do I need a 12-step program, I’m not the one with the drug problem.”
Says Luttrell, “Parents and family members need to know that whether they’re aware of it or not they’ve been a part of the problem, now they need to be part of the solution.” Family members, loved ones and friends of current residents and graduates of the program are invited to the house every Saturday to attend an Alanon meeting at 8:30am, immediately followed by family meeting 10:00am. It’s a great learning experience for residents and their families to share their own stories with other people going through similar situations. “what we’ve seen over the years is that family members get as much out of the program as the residents. It helps them to have a strong support group that they can call upon when they have questions about the house program and recovery. It’s all part of the healing process and is an incredible experience for everyone involved. Plus, we have a great pot luck lunch right after the meeting. I’ve seen many family members develop lifelong friendships with the people they met at Liberty House.”
For more information visit our website at www.libertyhouse.org
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